Despair of the heart
by Al- Noodzi
Summary: 'I never thought that my worst nightmare would ever come to pass...' Misaki thought after tragedy had struck him once again... First it was his parents and now this... 'Please...please just let it be a dream...' (This is my first fic so i hope you like it... enjoy)
1. PROLOGUE

**AN: This is my first fic, I hope you enjoy it. Please review, I would appreciate any and all feedback's, good or bad.  
**

**Warning: This fic is rated M for a reason... It is based on a yaoi anime "********Junjo Romantica**"... for those who don't know what yaoi means it is 'BL' as in boys love as in malexmale... If you don't like that sort of thing this is your chance to escape... for those of you who do, i hope you like this story althought it has a lot of drama and tragady in it ;p...

**Disclaimer: ****As much i would have loved to, I don't own Junjo Romantica**

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**PROLOGUE**

It's been 12 years now since that fateful day when I lost the two most important people in my life. My mom and dad were the best parents anyone could ever have. Yah… I bet all kids say that about their parents. I truly loved them and I hate that I was the reason they were in that accident in the first place.

I have always been thankful for having nii-chan. I never thought that I would have to grow up without my parents, but because of nii-chan it has been easier for me to move on with my life. He always was there when I needed him; a brother, a father, even a mother at times. He never even blamed me for what happened to them.

Without him I wouldn't have grown up to be who I am now; a happy 20 year old college student with a good appreciation to family and life. Because if it wasn't for my family, my nii-chan I wouldn't be here today.

It was my fault that we lost our parents but I never thought I would also have a hand in this as well. How am I going to move on now when, the one thing, THE ONE THING that I couldn't even imagine happening happened. And right in front of my eyes. I was the reason we were there in the first place. How am I going to forgive myself?

_Nii-chan how am I going to move on…_


	2. LOSS

**AN: Enjoy... and please review...**

**Disclaimer: I wish i did but i don't own this awesome anime...**

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**CHAPTER 1**

**LOSS**

**Misaki POV**

_It hurts…._

_Nii-chan it hurts… _

**Two days ago**

Today is the anniversary of my parents' death. And Like every year since then, nii-chan and I are heading to the cemetery to visit their graves.

Nii-chan had come over to pick me up. It was raining that day so I insisted on taking the train. I didn't really want us to take the car in this weather, especially on this day. Nii-chan understood so we left Usagi-san's place and headed for the train station. It was around 2:00 pm and yet it was so dark outside.

On the way to the train station I told nii-chan that I wanted to get some flowers so we stopped at the flower shop that was on the way there. It took me about 10 minutes to decide what flowers I wanted to buy. Nii-chan was patient, although I knew that he wanted us to be on our way by now.

After I picked the flowers and paid for them we left the shop. We were waiting for the traffic light to change for us to pass the street to the train station. The street wasn't that crowded because of all the rain.

There was a kid I think he was about 14 years old standing next to us also waiting. Although he was a bit farther from where we stood, he was right next to the traffic light. Nii-chan and I were talking. He was trying to lighten the mood by one of his –not so funny- jokes. I didn't really want to show him how sad I felt, so I laughed.

Every year it was the same thing. My nii-chan would try to cheer me up. Joke around and act all goofy. My precious nii-chan would always try to make me smile, and he would always succeed.

I smiled and thought I really love nii-chan. I can't even imagine life without him. If he wasn't here I don't think I would have wanted to keep on living after our parents have died. I wouldn't even have meet Usagi-san.

A few second had passed, then all of a sudden I heard this awful squeal of wheels I looked towards the street and saw this car slipping on the road, it was heading right for us. The only thing that was in my mind at that moment was my brother so the first thing I did was pull him to the side away from the cars collation course.

The kid that was next to us was still standing there. He had headphones on so I think he didn't hear the car, or my brother for he was yelling, telling him to move.

The next thing I knew nii-chan was running towards the kid. The car was so close there was no way that they could have gotten out of the way in time. I think my brother knew that for the next thing I saw was him shielding the kid with his own body.

I froze in my spot. Not knowing what just happened. My mind couldn't keep track of what just happened right in front of me.

_What just happened? Nii-chan…? Did Nii-chan just…? What did…?_

I suddenly realized that the car had hit my brother dead on. He was laying there on the ground with that kid in his arms. There was blood everywhere.

_No! No….!Nii-chan…No!_

"NII-CHAN…" I yelled at the top of my lungs and started running towards him. He was laying a pound of his blood still holding that kid. The kid didn't seem to be hurt much, I think he was shocked. I didn't really care; all I was thinking about was my nii-chan. He was hurt, I was standing right there and I couldn't do anything. My mind was all over the place. My nii-chan was hurt… that's all I could think about at that moment. He was hurt…and I was right there…

_What should I do? What do I do? Nii-chan… what do I do?_

I fell to my knees right next to where he lay, motionless, on the ground. The boy removed himself out of my brothers' embrace but couldn't move much. I didn't know what I was doing, but I had to do something. I reached my right hand out, but then withdraw it. He was hurt, bleeding, I didn't want to add to his pain… but I had to make sure that he was still…still…_oh my god… this can't be happening._

I reached out again, to make sure I didn't hurt him more I held his right hand in mine. He felt cold. Why did he feel cold?

"Nii-chan" I called again, but in a lower voice. I was oblivious to what was happening around me. After what fell like a life time, I saw his eyes flutter open. His eyes meet mine. In that moment I saw how much pain he was in. blood trailed from his head and… tears? Where those tears mixed with blood running down his face?

"N-Nii…chan?" I stuttered. I didn't know what to say. I really didn't know what to say.

I saw his face contract in pain. I panicked "N-Nii-chan… where does it hurt?" I wanted to help him. I didn't want to see him in pain. My nii-chan… I just didn't want him to be in pain…

He opened his mouth and for a second nothing came out. Then I heard him say in a very low voice "M-misaki…I-I'm s..s..sorry…I-I l-lo..ve you ..." he reached his right hand up to my left cheek and stroked it, then he smiled at me and said "m-mi…s-saki…y-you d-don't have to c-cry…" I didn't even notice that I have started crying. His words stated to fade towards the end as he started to lose consciousness, his hand falling off of my cheek.

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**TBC**

**AN: I really enjoyed writing this chapter...I hope that you enjoyed reading it... to much angst but that's how i like it... Please reveiw and tell me what you think... All comments are appreciated...**


	3. WAITING

**AN: Enjoy... and please review...**

**Disclaimer: I wish i did but i don't own this awesome anime...**

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**CHAPTER 2**

**WAITING**

**Misaki POV**

It's been a few hours now and still no news from the doctors. I've been sitting here in this white, cold waiting room for a while. Half an hour ago Minami-nee-chan arrived at the hospital.

I'm not sure what happened before the ambulance arrived. They told me that the guy from the flower shop was a doctor, he had called the ambulance and helped stop the bleeding long enough till the paramedics got there. I'm really thankful to him although I am not sure who he was.

I was so out of it I don't remember what actually happened. Not even the ride in the ambulance to the hospital. I really hated this place.

I still have no clue on what is going on. Minami-nee-chan is sitting next to me; I'm not sure what she is saying. I am guessing that she is talking to me but right now I have no idea what anyone around me is saying.

All my focus is on the door in front of me. I'm hoping that someone would come out and tell me that everything is going to be ok… that nii-chan is going to be ok. I really don't want to think of what is going to happen. I want everything to be ok. I want nii-chan to be fine.

It is my fault that this had happened. If only I hadn't insisted on taking the train, if I didn't insist on stopping at that flower shop then we would have avoided all of this. Then none of this would have even happened in the first place…

_Oh god… please be ok…Nii-chan… Please be ok…please…_

I don't know how much time had passed when suddenly Usagi-san had burst into the waiting room looking around. When he saw us sitting on the chairs on the left corner of the room he dashed my way.

"U-Usagi-san…?" I gasped I didn't know why he was there I didn't call him, But if I didn't then who did "why are you he..ere…?" I was suddenly engulfed in his strong, warm embrace. At that moment I didn't care who called him, for once I was in his arms I was glad that he was here, it felt like everything is going to be alright. I just held on to him like a life line.

He didn't let go but loosened his grip on me at that moment I tilted my head upwards to look at his face "Usagi-san…" I didn't know why my voice was so low "Usagi-san…" I tried again but it sounded the same.

He took my face in his hand and gazed into my eyes then he asked me "Misaki...what happened?"

I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to talk about it. I myself wasn't even sure of what happened_._

_what do I say? I don't want him to hate me… It was my fault after all… whatever happens to nii-chan… it's all gonna be on me… it is my fault…._

"Usagi-san…" I tried again but my voice was still low. I looked at him to see if he heard me, the worried look he gave me just made me feel worse. I didn't want him to worry... not now... not because of me...

"Takahiro was hit by a car… when he and Misaki…w-where on their way to the cemetery…" Minami-nee-chan said. I turned my head to look at her to see why she suddenly stopped. She had started crying. She covered her face with her hands and started sobbing.

I wanted to comfort her but for some reason I couldn't let go of Usagi-san's shirt. My hands just clutch the front of his shirt tighter. I don't know why but Minami-nee-chan suddenly wiped her eyes with her sleeves and looked up to me.

"Misaki-chan…I'm sorry sweetheart…I'm sorry" she got up from her chair and came to my side. She put her hand on my back. I really didn't know why she did that. Then she said "You have to stop crying dear… crying won't help… I called Usagi-san here; I really didn't know what else to do… you wouldn't stop crying …. I don't think that you were listening to me…"

I really didn't know what she was talking about. I looked at her confused then I turned my gaze to Usagi-san who was still holding me close to his chest. He looked in my eyes and then said "Misaki… you don't have to keep crying…" he took one of his hands off my back and caressed my cheek gently "Misaki?"

I looked at him confused I didn't really know what they were talking about. So I raised my hand to my cheek. Itwas damp, why was my cheek so…wet? _Am I crying?..._ "U-Usagi-san…?" at that moment he realized why I looked so confused. He held me even tighter than before. I realized then that I was soundlessly crying… I buried my face into his chest and started to sob…he only held me closer and started drawing circles on my back to comfort me… I didn't deserve that.

_I don't deserve this… I don't dese… It was my fault… I was responsible…. Please god…please let him be ok…_

Usagi-san just held me in his arms while I sobbed… I don't know for how long, I just kept on crying. I tried to stop but I couldn't. He never let go of me. He just stood there holding me in his arms and whispering words of comfort into my ears.

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**TBC**


	4. RUSH

**AN: Enjoy... and please review...**

**Disclaimer: I wish i did but i don't own this awesome anime...**

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**CHAPTER 3**

**RUSH**

**Usagi's POV**

'_uh… why does she have to be so loud… can't she see that I just woke up'_

Aikawa just burst into my room yelling about some deadline or something. I think she said that it was a week past its due date.

'_How many times do I have to tell her that I'm busy… How annoying'_

It was around 3:00 pm when she barged into my room. I have decided to take a nap after Misaki had left with Takashi at around 2:00 pm. My nap was interrupted though by one annoying, screaming Aikawa.

Now I am sitting in the living room hearing her going on and about how irresponsible I am, and how I had to be more considerate of her efforts, and that I should be focused when it comes to work.

I toned her out and took out a cigarette from the cigarette box on the table in front of me and lit it up and took a deep breath.

Misaki had left earlier with Takahiro to go visit their parents graves. I hoped that I could go with him to comfort him. I know how he tends to hide his feeling when he is upset and that he didn't want to bother his brother with them. I remember when Takhiro told me that Misaki blamed himself for what happened to their parents. He thought that it was his fault because he asked them to hurry home in that rain. I also remember him telling me that Misaki stopped talking about it knowing that everyone would just tell him that it wasn't his fault.

He refused me going with them saying that he didn't want his brother to suspect anything. Although I knew that he didn't want me to be there because I always could tell when he was feeling sad.

"Usami-sensei? Are you even listening to what I'm saying here?" Aikawa yelled.

I looked at her and said nothing. She sighed and said "will you please just finish the last few chapters? I can't keep postponing the deadline for ever you know"

At that moment I was thankful that the phone rang. I got up from the couch and headed to the phone. Leaving Aikawa reading over what was finished from the manuscript. I picked up the phone hopping that it was Misaki.

"Good afternoon, Usami-san?"

It was not the voice I wanted to hear. It was some woman; her voice was cracking like she had been crying. She sounded like Takahiro's wife, Minami.

"Minami-san? What's wrong? Are you ok?" I asked confused. What was going on? Why would Minami call me?

"Usami-san… I'm really sorry to have bothered you. I know you are busy, but I don't know what to do? I don't know how to help him…." Her voice lower towards the end as she started crying again.

At that I started to panic. Help who? Who is she talking about? "Minami-san, please calm down. What happened? Who are you talking about?"

Her voice was low, she was still crying when she said "M-Misaki… He won't stop c-crying…I don't think that he is even hearing what I'm saying to him…"

My mind was going wild now. _Misaki? Why is Misaki crying? Why is Minami crying? What in the world is going on?_

"Why is he crying? Minami tell me what's going on…NOW" I was starting to get angry. _Just tell me what is going on already._

Aikawa stopped reading and looked in my direction confused not knowing what is happening.

Minami took a deep breath to steady her voice then started talking "I'm not sure…They were on there way to the cemetery…They were waiting for the traffic light to change…I just… " she trailed off again.

I was seriously confused. I wanted to know what happened but there was no time. _Misaki needs me. I have to be there. I have to be there now._

"Minami where are you?"

"We are at AM hospital…"

"I'll be there" I cut there off. I hung up the phone and grabbed my keys and slammed the door behind me. I heard Aikawa yell something but I couldn't make out what she said as I was in a hurry to get to Misaki.

I realized when I go to the car that Minami said that the where at the hospital.

_Why where they at the hospital…?Misaki…_

I got into the car and drove like a mad man not caring for traffic lights or my life. All I cared about was getting there. Something bad happened I could feel it; I just wasn't sure what it was.

When I got to the hospital I stopped the car at the closest parking. Ran out of the car and headed inside. I dashed into the waiting room looking for Minami knowing that if something happened she would be waiting there.

Once I was in the waiting room I noticed all the eyes that turned towards me. I looked around and finally spotted Minami. She wasn't alone; Misaki was right next to her. He looked shocked when he saw me. _Thank god he was fine_.

Then I noticed his face was socked with tears. His puffy red eyes, and flushed cheeks from crying. _Misaki… how long have you been crying. _At that moment I didn't care if he would yell at me later for hugging him in public, I just had to hold him. Comfort him. Make sure that he was fine. That was the most important thing at that moment.

I dashed towards him as he stood from the chair he was sitting on. When I got to him I put my arms around him and hugged him tightly to my chest. I was shocked to feel him hug me back when we were surrounded by all those people. I immediately felt my shirt start to get soaked from his silent tears. He held me closely, which only made me tighten my grip on him.

_What happened…what would make my Misaki act like that…?Misaki… what is going on…_

"Usagi-san…"His voice was so low I could barely hear him. "Usagi-san…" He said again a bit louder but still too low for anyone but me to hear.

I loosened my grip on him, raised my hands to his face and held it between them. My heart ached as I looked into his deep green eyes, they looked so sad. _What in the world happened that cased my Misaki to be in so much pain._

"Misaki...what happened?" I was really confused. I didn't know what was going on around me. Misaki looked really confused and… worried? Why was he worried?

"Usagi-san…" his voice was still so low I could barely hear him. Just how long has he been crying for.

Minami was still sitting down next to us, she stated "Takahiro was hit by a car… when he and Misaki…w-where on their way to the c-c-cemetery…" she trailed off. She had started crying. She covered her face with her hands and started sobbing.

_What?... Takahiro was hit by a….car? ...Today…? Of all days…TODAY? No…No way… There is no way fate would be so cruel… Misaki…_

I was confused for a moment. Misaki had turned his head towards her when she stopped. It looked like he wanted to comfort her but I don't think that he could let go of my shirt. I was still looking at Minami when his grip on my shirt tightened.

Minami suddenly stopped crying, wiped her eyes with her sleeves and raised her gaze to look at Misaki. "Misaki-kun…I'm sorry sweetheart…I'm sorry" she got up from her chair and walked to our side. She put her hand on Misaki's back. Then she said to him "You have to stop crying dear… crying won't help… I called Usagi-san here; I really didn't know what else to do… you wouldn't stop crying …. I don't think that you were listening to me…"

Misaki looked at her for a moment then he turned and locked his gaze with mine. Tears were running down his face even more than before, I think he started crying again when Minami tried to explain to me what happened. I tried to comfort him "Misaki… you don't have to keep crying…" I raised a hand to his face and caressed his cheek gently, wiping away the tears. It didn't help, tears kept pouring out of his eyes. "Misaki?"

He looked as if he didn't understand what we were talking about. He loosened his grip on my shirt and raised a hand to his other cheek. "U-Usagi-san…?" he looked so confused as to why his face was wet. I felt my heart clench as I realized that he wasn't aware of the tears. _Was he crying all this time without even knowing it? Oh god…Misaki? How much pain are you in…what is going through your head to not even notice that you were crying?_

I wrapped my arms around him again; a hand on his head, other drawing circles on his back to comfort him, holding him ever so closer to me. I held him so tight…

Misaki started to sob into my chest louder than before. "Misaki its going to be ok…shhh… everything is going to be fine…" I kept whispering those words over and over trying to help him calm down. I don't even think he was even listening at that point for he started to cry even louder than before…

_Misaki…_

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_**TBC**_

**AN:** I hope you enjoyed this chapter... The next chapter will be posted soon... I have already written it, i just need to make sure it 100% before i upload it...

Please review and tell me what you think...


	5. IS HE FINE ?

**AN: Enjoy... and please review...**

**Disclaimer: I wish i did but i don't own this awesome anime...**

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**CHAPTER 4**

**IS HE FINE…?**

**Usagi's POV**

I led Misaki to the chairs in the waiting room after he had calmed down a bit. He was still crying. It broke my heart to see him like this. I want to take all of his pain away. I don't ever want to see him crying, no matter what.

There is nothing I could do at the moment except being there and holding him, hoping for the best. We still don't know anything and look at what has become of my Misaki. I can't even picture what he would be like if the worst happened.

His brother is the only family he had left. Losing him would devastate Misaki. He always hid his feelings pretty well but if he lost Takahiro I don't think that he will be able to anymore.

He was very young when his parents died but still he was affected by their death to a great extent. If Takahiro wasn't there for him during that time he would have drowned in his sorrow.

As we sat down I held Misaki close to me. My right arm around his shoulder; his head still buried in my chest. He never stopped crying not even once since I got there. It even got worse when Minami was trying to tell me about the accident. I didn't believe that he didn't even notice that he was crying the whole time.

From what Minami had said, he has been crying even long before I got there. I still don't know the details of what had actually happened, not even the extent of Takahiro's injuries. I only hoped he was fine for everyone's sake…

_For Misaki's sake…_

Misaki had quieted down a bit. I looked down at him, keeping my arms around him. Tears where still falling from his eyes but he had fallen asleep. All of the crying must have caught up to him. I just kept my arms around him as we waited for news about Takahiro.

….

It's been a few hours now since I arrived at the hospital. We have been waiting patiently for someone to come up to us with news about Takahiro but still nothing. Minami had gone to the nurse's desk a few times trying to get any information on her husband. All they told her was that he was still in surgery and there was no new information about his condition.

Suddenly the door facing us that led to the surgery room opened and a tall black haired man emerged. He had a serious look on his face and he looked exhausted. He went to the nurses desk and took some files.

I saw the nurse pointing at us after he had asked her something. My heart skipped a beat at that moment when I realized that he was walking towards us looking grave.

_Please let it be good news… For Misaki's sake…_

He stopped right in front of us and asked "Are you the family of Takahashi Takahiro".

Minami stood up and said "Yes, I am his wife…" then she pointed at Misaki and me and said "and this is his brother… and his best friend"

"I am Doctor Matsui" He introduced himself.

Misaki must have heard the voices for I felt him move in my arms. When I looked down he had opened his eyes. He blinked a few times to wash the sleep out of them. Then looked up at me and said in a very low, sleepy voice "Usagi-san…" then he noticed the doctor standing in front of us and moved his gaze towards him.

He seemed to have forgotten what had happened until he saw the doctor. The sudden realization made him jolt upright. After he stood up I saw him sway, he almost fell.

"Misaki…" I called him and jumped out of my seat and helped him stand steady. My right arm went around his back while he held on to me; one hand on my right arm and the other on my shoulder. He leaned on my heavily. I got worried and asked "Misaki are you alright?"

He didn't answer he just looked at the doctor and said franticly "Nii-chan…is n-nii-chan alright…P-please tell my…is he going to be ok?"

The doctor looked at him sympathetically and said "He is stable at the moment…but…" he paused for a moment and looked around then turned his gaze back to the three of us and said "The injuries he sustained were very severe… Along with internal bleeding; His back was also critically injured due to the direct impact of the car crash; in addition to multiple fractured bones. He has a very serious concussion…"

"I want to see him…"Misaki demanded cutting the doctor off "I have to see him now…please" He pleaded.

The doctor continued "I strongly advise against that. See for the last few hours we have been doing our best to stabilize him. That doesn't mean he is out of danger just yet. He still needs a couple more surgeries to fully heal…"

"Then do them…Help him…please help my nii-chan… why didn't you do them already…" Misaki begged the doctor his tears running down his face again.

I tightened my right arm around him and said "Misaki calm down. Hear the doctor out." Misaki looked at me for a second then returned his gaze to the doctor.

"I'm s-sorry…" He stuttered trying to keep his sobs contained.

"It's ok I understand that you must be really worried about your brother. You can see him if you wish but you have to understand how sever his injuries are…" he paused for a moment gathering his thoughts "You see, the reason we didn't do the surgeries is because his body was too weak to handle them all at once. We did all we could for now, we just have to wait for 24 hours so that his body would recover some strength before we could proceed any further"

"Will he be ok till then?" Minami asked.

"We are hoping that he would. We don't know anything for sure just yet. We have to wait and find out if his body will be able to hold on until the next surgery. There is only so much that a person's body could take" He replied sympathetically.

Misaki asked again "Can I see him now? Please let me see him…" His words reflected how much he needed to see Takahiro.

"Yes. But as I said before it is a bad idea. He is currently connected to a number of machines that are keeping him alive and stable; not to mention the number of bandages used…"He trailed off at the look in Misaki's eyes. "Most patients' loved ones can't handle seeing the people they care about in such a state."

"I am not those people… please I don't care about the machines or the bandages… all I want to do i-is s-see n-nii-chan…"Misaki insisted although I knew that he wasn't going to be able to hold his sobs back when he saw Takahiro. I hope that it's not as bad as I imagine, from what the doctor had said it seems that it wasn't a sight a family should see their loved one in. I'm just glad that he is ok…at least for now.

"Then follow me" doctor Matsui said as he saw that Misaki will not take a no for an answer. We followed him as he walked toward the door leading away from the waiting room. After we past a few doors down the hallway he stopped and turned to face us. "This is it." He glanced at Misaki then turned to me. He probably noticed that Misaki will only listen to me because he said to me "This a bad idea but I can't deny you the chance to see him, especially when we don't knowing what would happen in the next few hours"

"Misaki are you sure…" He turned to face me. His eyes although sad still held that stubborn look of his when he wanted something. He nodded so I turned to the doctor "Yah we are." The doctor nodded and entered the room before us.

When I stepped into the room, my arm was still supporting Misaki. I was prepared for what might face us. I have been preparing since we were in the waiting room. But when I saw all the machines and the wires and IV's around Takahiro I stopped dead in my tracks.

Then my eyes drifted to his face. I stood there, my mouth a gap. His face was swollen; the left side of his face was covered in bandages. I couldn't even recognize him.

_The doctor was right… this was a bad idea…._

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**Misaki's POV**

As we entered the room I was on edge. I really wanted to see how nii-chan was doing…but still what the doctor said scared me.

_Please god… don't let anything bad happen to him…_

The moment we entered the room, Usagi-san stopped. I was leaning heavily on him since I woke up I wasn't able to stand on my own. Usagi-san even helped me walk when we followed the doctor. He kept his arm around me the whole time supporting me. I am glad that he was here. I am really glad that he is.

I looked up at him wondering why he stopped. He looked shocked and very sad at the same time. I follower his gaze to see what the reason was behind that look.

I froze… I felt the blood drain out of my face… "Nii-chan…" My voice was even lower than a whisper. All those machines…the oxygen pump that connected to the tube that was helping nii-chan breath. The IV's and the heart monitor wires that were all over his body, but that wasn't the worst part… His face… His face was all bruised… there were bandages covering his left eye… you could barely tell that it was him.

_Nii-chan… oh god…how...? How is he going to recover from this?_

I took a step forward, my hand sliding on Usagi-sans arm as I left his warm embrace. I kept heading for the bed where my precious nii-chan lay… hurt… My hand slid down Usagi-san's arm till it reached his hand. Not willing to let go, and not being able to tear my eyes from my nii-chan, I pulled him after me.

Once I tugged on his hand he immediately followed. When I got to the left side of nii-chan's bed I stopped. I felt my heart start pounding like crazy at the mere sight of him.

I reached out to touch his hand ever so slowly. I hesitated for a moment but then decided that I had to…

_Nii-chan needed to know… he needed to know that I am here… that all of us are here…_

I felt my knees weaken at how cold his hand was.

_Nii-chan…_

I felt Usagi-san push something behind me. Then he put his left hand on my shoulder urging me to sit. As if he had known that I couldn't stand anymore. I sat down and he just stood there next to me never letting go of my hand, not even once. My gaze never leaving nii-chan's face.

After the doctor checked the machines he turned to leave. Before he got out of the room Minami-nee-chan asked him "Can he hear us?"

"We like to believe that coma patients can hear the voices of their loved ones" he answered.

"Coma?" I asked.

"We had to put him in a drugged induced coma to help his body heal faster" He said. I heard the door close behind him as he left the room.

I felt a lump forming in my throat.

_Oh god this is my f-fault… I-I'm s-sorry…_

"N-nii-chan… I-I'm s-s-so s-sorry… I-I'm so s-sorry…" I started sobbing. My heart clenched at the thought of how much pain nii-chan was in right now. "P-please…nii-chan p-please… forgive m-me… p-please ple-eas-se be ok…"

* * *

**Usagi's POV**

I felt a tug on my hand, It was Misaki. He brought me back from my initial shock of seeing my best friend like that. I followed him as he took slow steps towards his brother's bed.

_Misaki needs me… I have to pull it together…If this is how I feel looking at Takahiro in that state how does Misaki feel… I have to be there for him… My Misaki needs me right now…_

He reached out to touch his hand but hesitated. I saw his legs start to give up on him. I pulled the chair that was behind us right next to the wall and made him sit on it. He didn't protest; with tears already running down his cheeks.

Minami had taken her place on the other side of the bed. She was just as shocked as Misaki. She held his other hand in hers. Her eyes stared to overflow with tears, seeing her loved one in such a state. Who could blame her?

The doctor started heading to the door intending to give us some privacy. Once he reached the door he was stop by Minami's voice asking "Can he hear us?"

"We like to believe that coma patients can hear the voices of their loved ones" he answered.

"Coma?" Misaki asked.

"We had to put him in a drugged induced coma to help his body heal faster" He said. At that the doctor left the room closing the door behind him as he left the room.

"N-nii-chan… I-I'm s-s-so s-sorry… I-I'm so s-sorry…" Misaki started sobbing. He kept saying "P-please…nii-chan p-please… forgive m-me… p-please ple-eas-se be ok…"

I was surprised to hear him say that. He can't be blaming himself for this. "Misaki. Stop that. This is not your fault.."

Misaki ignored me and kept sobbing. I let go of his hand and wrapped my arms around his shaking form and pulled him closer.

His eyes never left his brothers face. "N-nii-chan… p-please… p-please don't leave m-me…" he said between sobs. Seeing him like that broke my heart. I almost fell into tears myself. "P-please nii-chan… you can't l-leave m-me alone… pleahhhse…" he was trying to talk but his sobs kept getting in his way. He whimpered and held on my arm with his left hand, squeezing tight. I didn't mind, all I cared about was him… all I cared about is helping him through this.

_Misaki… Misaki..._

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**AN: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter... even cried a bit ;P... please review i need your thought on this so motivate me... sorry i haven't updated in a while but the good news is the next 5 chapters are done :p... a lot of free time :D... I'm only uploading three today though cz the rest still need editing...**

**Please review...**


	6. WORST NIGHTMARE

**AN: Enjoy... and please review...**

**Disclaimer: I wish i did but i don't own this awesome anime...**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

**WORST NIGHTMARE**

**Misaki's POV**

"Nii-chan…"

_The doctor said that you could hear me so why aren't you opening your eyes…_

* * *

**Usagi's POV**

'His body is too weak to undergo anymore surgeries' was what the doctor said when he explained Takahiro's condition to us. They can't perform the next surgery until 24 hours have past and his body is stable enough to handle the procedure. The only concern right now is _if_ his body will be able to endure the trauma for the next 24 hours.

It's been almost an hour since the doctor allowed us to see Takahiro. He told us that Takahiro is in a drug induced coma to help with his recovery process. And yet Misaki is still begging Takahiro to open his eyes. It's like he didn't hear the doctor say that Takahiro is in a coma.

Seeing Misaki in so much pain is heartbreaking. _How I wish I could take Takahiro's place, maybe then he you won't be in this much pain…_

I was still standing next to Misaki with an arm around his back holding him close as the tears never left his cheeks. His back leaning against me while his right hand never left his bothers hand, and his eyes never left his brothers face.

Throughout the hour we stayed like that, when suddenly the machines in the room started to beep out of rhythm. I felt Misaki's body stiffen as he whispered "Nii-chan…?"

Doctors and nurses rushed into the room, soon we were being asked by one of the nurses to leave the room. Misaki looked panicked. _I_ was panicked.

Misaki shot up from the chair he was sitting on, I tried to pull him away so that the doctors could do their job. Misaki kept a hold on his brothers' hand while he looked around franticly screaming at the doctors and nurses.

"Nii-chan…WHAT IS HAPPENING? TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPNING…"

"Please sir you have to leave the room…" the nurse was trying to stay as calm as she could and explain to Misaki that he had to leave the room. The doctors and other nurses already started working on stabilizing him.

"NO… HE NEEDS ME HERE…I CAN'T LEAVE… I WONT LEAVE…" Misaki interrupted.

The nurse tried again saying "Please sir you have to leave so we could do our jobs and _save_ him"

"Misaki! You have to let go…" I had to do something to help her. If I didn't Misaki would have to see what they needed to do to help Takahiro. "Misaki…" He wasn't listening to me so I held his face in my hands and made him look at me as I said "Misaki, They can't help him if we don't give them space to work. Do you understand?" I waited for a second and when he didn't reply I said again more firmly "Misaki! Do you understand?!"

"y-y-yess…" His tears stared to become heaver as they ran down his face.

"Let go… Misaki come on" I said softly, he still held on Takahiro's hand with a strong grip. "Misaki. You have to let go now…" Our eyes still locked, I lowered my left hand down to Misakis right hand that was holding Takahiro's and gave it a gently squeeze. "Let go…" my other hand still cupping his face, my voice was almost a whisper; the hurt I saw in his eyes was too much. Reluctantly I felt his hand loosen; I pulled it away immediately not giving him the chance to change his mind.

Then I started guiding him towards the door Minami at my side, helping me keep Misaki focused enough till we got out of the room, although she herself looked like she was about to fall apart at any second.

As we were almost at the door Misaki's head turned around and glanced at his brother. He chose the wrong moment to do that, as at that moment Takahiro's heart had stopped and the doctors were readying the machines to revive him.

He was about to jolt back into the room. In a split second I had my arms around him and was dragging him outside. He didn't have to see that. No one is supposed to see their loved ones in that state.

"NO... NII-CHAN…NOOO...NO…LET GO… LET ME GO…NII-CHANNN" He thrashed in my arm trying to get out of my hold. I couldn't let that happen. There is no way that I was going to let him back into that room. "BAKA…LET GOOO…" He kept struggling even as we were already out of the room. The door of the room shut behind us by a nurse that saw Misaki trying to get back inside.

I held him till I got him back into the waiting room. He kept struggling and Minami helped me calm him down. "Misaki please you have to calm down…" He tried pushing me away again.

"Calm down and I'll let you go" I wasn't really going to let him go. No way. There was no way that I was going to let go of him when he needed me.

"LET GO..LET go... let goo…pleee-eahs… letgoo…" His struggles weakening as he started to sob "Pleeeaase…" instead of struggling he was now clinging to me and sobbing his heart out. "p-p-ple-eass-s-s…n-nii-chan… d-don't l-leave..m-me" I almost broke down in tears as he said that.

The only thing I could do was hold him close to me as he cried_…Misaki…_

After what seemed like forever the doctor finally entered the waiting room. We were now sitting in the same place we were sitting when I first got here. Misaki never stopped crying, his sobs kept on going. He never let go of my shirt as he sobbed into it.

When he got closer I noticed that he had a grave look on his face. The look on his face said everything but I still had to hope for the best… for Misaki…I had to…

_God…Please let it be good news…for Misaki…for Misaki please…_

* * *

**Misaki's POV**

My chest felt so tight when I saw him, his heart stopped, the doctors fussing over him. I didn't want to leave…to leave him…I knew Usagi-san was right, I had to leave the room…but I didn't want to. We've been endlessly waiting, but nothing yet. We are still waiting.

_Nii-chan…please be ok…please…oh god…please don't die…nii-chan…_

I tried but I couldn't… I tried to stop crying but I couldn't… I tried to let go of Usagi-san's shirt but I couldn't… for some reason I felt safe wrapped in his arms. Like everything was going to be ok. But I could feel that something was wrong… something was so, very wrong.

_Nii-chan…_

I felt Usagi-san move his arms from my back to my shoulders and push me slightly. I looked up to see him looking in the direction of the door. I knew right away that the doctor had entered the room.

When I finally turned my head towards the doctor he was already in front of us. I loosened my grip on Usagi-san's shirt as he helped me up. I took another look at the doctors' face, he looked sad. Why did he look sad? It can't be can it?

_No it can't be... Nii-chan is fine. He is fine._

His gaze drifted from Usagi-san's face to Minami-nee-chan's, who was on my right, and then it fell on me. I don't know why but the moment he looked at me… the way he looked at me was so… then he said "I'm sorry, we did everything we could."

_What did that mean? What did 'we did everything we could mean'? _

I heard Minami-nee-chan start crying loudly. When I looked towards her she had fallen onto the chair she just stood up from when the doctor had entered. Her hands clutching her chest as if she was in pain.

_But why is she crying? I don't get it. Why? _

I looked up at Usagi-san so that he could answer me but his eyes were fixed on the doctor. He looked shocked and his grip on my right shoulder, from the arm he had behind my back, tightened.

_But why? I don't get it? Nii-chan is fine right? Right?_

"What does that mean?" I asked the doctor. I was shaking. But why? "H-he is ok right? N-nii-chan is ok isn't h-he.." I tried to steady my voice but it came out as a stutter. The doctor looked at me with sad eyes. _Why is he looking at me like that? _

"I'm sorry, but he didn't make it." He said.

_No…it can't be… no…._

I finally realized what he was talking about "No… nonononono… NO...NO… HE CAN'T BE… HE CAN'T BE…YOUR LYING …WHY ARE YOU LYING? … IT'S NOT FUNNY..."

"I'm sorry, I really am. We were able to revive him the first time, but when his heart stopped again there was nothing we could do. His injuries were too severe…"

"STOP LYING… STOP IT"

_There was no way he was gone… no way… no way… he won't just leave me… no… he won't…_

* * *

**Usagi's POV**

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could." Was what he said.

I froze right there and then. Takahiro was gone. Just like that he was gone, never to come back again. My first love, my best friend that has always been there when I needed him, was _dead_. I didn't think it would hurt this much. I cherished our friendship but I never thought that news of his death would hit me so hard.

"What does that mean?" Misaki's confused voice pulled me back to reality. "H-h is ok right? N-nii-chan is ok isn't h-he.." at that I saw the doctor look sympathetically at Misaki.

The doctor tried to be as gentle as he could with his words "I'm sorry, but he didn't make it."

Misaki was quite for the longest second, then it was like it all hit him at once he started "No… nonononono… NO...NO… HE CAN'T BE… HE CAN'T BE…YOUR LYING …WHY ARE YOU LYING? … IT'S NOT FUNNY..."

His hands left my shirt and he was charging at the doctor. So determined that he was lying that he didn't even hear a word I said as I called him. "Misaki! Calm down! Stop it" I had to put myself between him and the doctor to stop Misaki. He was still reaching for the doctor over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I really am. We were able to revive him the first time, but when his heart stopped again there was nothing we could do. His injuries were too severe…" The doctor looked really effected by Misaki's reaction that he didn't even bother moving when Misaki started to charge for him. It's like he knew that I would be able to stop him.

After the doctor said the last part Misaki stopped charging at him. Instead he raised his hands to his ears as if to stop the doctors' words from entering them, to keep the '_lies_' away as he called them. He yelled again "STOP LYING… STOP IT"

"I'm sorry" was all he could add.

"Misaki!" I called his name again in hopes of him hearing me but with no success I gave up and just held him. He then started pushing me away and started yelling again

"HE'S FINE… LET ME GO I HAVE TO SEE HIM" he demanded. "NII-CHAN WOULDN'T LEAVE ME… HE WOULDN'T… STOP LYING TO ME… JUST STOP IT…please just let me see him…p-ppleahhhs… pleasse" his demand turned into begging. My heart clenched at his voice and his pleading eyes.

I turned to the doctor as if to ask him if we could. He just shook his head for 'No'. I knew that they must have moved him to the surgery room again. And that he was in no shape to be seen, not yet at least.

But Misaki wouldn't accept that, he just kept begging. His knees gave up as he fell to the floor clenching my shirt again. I wrapped my arms around him again. His hand let go and wrapped around me as he pulled me even closer if that was possible.

His body wrecked violently as his sobs grow louder, clenching the back of my shirt tighter as he buried his head deeper into my chest. The sobs and whimpers took over his body, it seemed like he could barley breath.

"shhhh…Misaki! You have to breath… calm down… breath Misaki… shhh…" I tried but it didn't seem like he heard a word I just said. I got worried. His breathing hitched and it looked like he hardly took a breath.

The doctor already on his knees beside me seeing the state that Misaki was in. I looked at him and demanded "DO something..." I was in a panic at that point; if Misaki didn't calm down he would pass out.

Minami was still sobbing when she heard me yelling at the doctor. She raised her eyes and when she saw Misaki she moved behind him and hugged him as much as she could, as he was still in my arms. She tried to calm him down as much as she could he didn't seem to listen to anyone anymore.

The doctor called a nurse and asked her to get him a sedative to help calm the boy down. She ran out of the room and came back carrying a needle and a small bottle. She handed them to the doctor. He filled the syringe from the small bottle and told me to hold Misaki still as he administered the sedative. Misaki didn't even seem to notice the needle piercing his arm, he only kept sobbing.

For a moment I thought that the drug didn't work until I heard his sobs lessen and I felt him go still in my arms. He never stopped crying, tears kept falling on his cheeks. But he was breathing.

_I hope it's a better place you are in right now… when you come back to reality I promise I'll be here…_

"Take him home" Minami said... her sobs less but her tears persisted.

"I can't leave you alone to …"

She interrupted me by saying "He needs to rest. I will handle the paper work here, and then I'll head home. I'll call you tomorrow to check on him" Her tone left no room for discussion and I knew that the best place for Misaki to be right now is home.

"Alright then but if you needed anything just let me know." She nodded which was enough for me. I picked up Misaki and started heading for the door.

"Usami-san…" she called me. I tilted my head towards her then she said "take care of him… he needs you…" I already knew that but her saying it made it more realistic. There was no way that I was going to leave his side until this all has past, even then.

My eyes drifted back to the unconscious form in my arms. Even now tears still fell from under his closed lids. _Misaki…_

I headed to the parking lot and right to my car. I slipped Misaki into the passenger seat and secured his seat belt before I walk around to the driver's seat. Before I started the car I took another look at Misaki. His eyes still shut and yet the pain that he felt was so obvious. I cupped his left cheek and wiped the tears away, it was useless as another tear fell a second later.

A single tear escaped my eye at the scene "Misaki…" My voice slightly over a whisper "I love you…"

I started the car and unlike when I was alone. I drove much more carefully. When I got to the apartment complex I parked the car then carried Misaki to the penthouse on the top floor.

After I opened the door I turned on the lights, I almost forgot that I left Aikawa earlier without a word. The living room was much organized then it was when Aikawa and I were working. My eyes turned to the wall clock; it read 11:05 pm. Had it really only been 8 hours?

I headed upstairs to my bedroom and laid Misaki on the bed intending to change his clothes before I went to change myself, and then I noticed something I should have seen earlier. Misaki's hands and clothes were covered in blood.

_Oh god… why haven't I seen this earlier… he was covered in Takahiro's blood all along and I was wondering why he was freaking out…_

I had to clean him up. I carried him to the bathroom and sat him down in the tub, took of his clothes then started the water running on a warm temperature. I took a wash cloth of the rack that was sitting next to the tub, rinsed it in the warm water then started to scrub the blood off his pale skin.

I cleaned him up as much as I could, wiped the tears off of his face every once in a while. When I decided it was enough I dried him up then got him out off the tub and back to the room, got his pajamas out and dressed him then I pulled the covers over him and went back to the bathroom to get rid of the spoiled clothes and clean up a bit.

When I went back to the room I found Misaki in the same position I had left him in. he didn't even stir, not even an inch. I'm not sure if he was too tired to or if it was the drug that the doctor had administered. But I was thankful either way; at least he could have some peace, even if it might not last for too long.

I lay right next to him, turned off the lights and put my left arm around his sleeping form. Hoping that it might help comfort him even the tiniest bit, and to make sure that when he woke up that I would fell his movement and wake up myself.

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**AN: I know I'm evil for killing him but it _is_ tragedy you know -_- ... please let me know what you think... waiting for reviews **


	7. GONE

**AN: Enjoy... and please review...**

**Disclaimer: I wish i did but i don't own this awesome anime...**

* * *

**CHAPTER 6**

**GONE**

**Misaki's POV**

Before nii-chan got his transfer to Osaka, he and Minami-nee-chan decided to go for a visit. Even though it was only for a weekend, I felt so lonely, like I was left behind. Because the last time I saw the retreating backs of the ones that I love was when my mother and father went out and never came back.

When I waved goodbye, as nii-chan and Minami-nee-chan left, the feeling of being left behind... abandonment was rushing to the back of my mind. It always seemed that those days were the worst. The days that I had to wave someone I love goodbye, even if it was a see you later.

I was standing over a pool of blood staring down at it. Nii-chan was laying there not moving, in the center of that blood.

"Nii-chan…" I called him but he didn't respond, "NII-CHAN" this time louder but still no response. I fell to my knees tried to shake his shoulders to wake him up, still nothing. I held his hand and brought it closer to my heart. "Nii-chan… please… p-please opens your eyes…" I pleaded, my voice much more desperate. I felt tears start to form in my eyes.

"We did everything we could." I recognized the voice, but who was it?

I moved my gaze from my brother's face and looked up, it was doctor Matsui. Why was he just standing there? "Help him…" he still didn't move "PLEASE DO SOMETHING…HELP HIM…HE IS HURT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?…"

"I'm sorry, but he didn't make it." He said.

"HE IS RIGHT HERE… HELP HIM…SAVE HIM…PLEASE SAVE MY NII-CHAN…"he just turned around and walked away, I yelled even louder "PLEASE… I'M BEGGING YOU… PLEASE HELP HIM…" he just kept retreating until I couldn't see him anymore.

I looked back down where my brother was but he was gone. There was nothing there but the pool of blood. The blood ran down my hands all the way to my elbows.

_Where was he? He was right here._

I looked around franticly. _ Where did he disappear to?_ "Nii-chan please… come back… don't leave me... pleaseeeee…." I shut my eyes so that I won't have to look at the blood anymore and yelled again "Nii-chaaaaaaaaan…."

when I opened my eyes again I was in a room. The lights were off, but there were rays of light escaping into the room, from behind the curtains. I looked to my right and I saw Suzuki-san then I recognized the place. I was in Usagi-san's room. I felt an arm wrapped around my waist loosely, I knew it was Usagi-san.

I slowly raised my hands till they were right in front of my face. I didn't find any trace of blood. _ So it WAS just a dream after all… right?_

_Then why am I crying?_ I lowered my right hand to my face and felt the tears on my cheek. I wiped it away but for some reason the tears just kept falling. I gave up and lowered my hands, I turned my head to my left side where Usagi-san was laying and kept staring at his face. I didn't want to wake him up but…

I kept my eyes on Usagi-san's face till finally, his eyes fluttered open and he looked at me. His expiration changed to sadness as he looked into my eyes. I knew it… one look at that face told me everything… I didn't want to admit it… but I knew it…

I still had to ask "it wasn't a dream… was it?" my voice came in a whisper, I chocked at the last words. His eyes looked even sadder if it was possible as he slowly shook his head. His arm around my waist moved upwards, his hand cupped my face and he wiped the tears on my cheek with his thumb. His face came closer to mine as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

_Is that why my chest feels so tight? No… this couldn't be true…it just couldn't…_

I did just ask him and he shook his head but there was no way that he could have known what my dream was, is there?

I realized at that moment that I had to make sure for myself, so I sat up in the bed. "Misaki, where are you going?" Usagi-san asked in a low voice, as he sat up in bed too.

"I have to go see him…" I muttered as I turned to get out of bed. I felt his arm wrap around my waist and pull be back into bed. "Usagi-san… let go… I have to go to nii-chan's place and check on him…" he suddenly loosened his grip and I took that chance and bolted out of the bed.

"Misaki! Stop!" He called after me but I ignored his calls.

* * *

**Usagi's POV**

I felt Misaki move under my arm, but then he was still. I thought that maybe he went back to sleep. Then I felt his eyes on me, so I slowly opened my eyes to see him staring at me, silent tears running down his cheeks. My heart contracted painfully at the sight.

He then asked "it wasn't a dream… was it?" his voice barely a whisper, chocking at the last words. I didn't know how to reply so I just nodded guessing that he was talking about what happened yesterday.

He surprised me when he sat up in bed. I wondered where he was headed so I asked in a low voice "Misaki, where are you going?" and I followed Misaki and sat up in bed too.

He muttered "I have to go see him…" as he turned to get out of bed. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him back to bed thinking that he wanted to go back to the hospital.

What he said next shocked me "Usagi-san… let go… I have to go to nii-chan's place and check on him…" as I heard what he said my arms suddenly loosened. He took the chance to slip out of bed and bolt to the door.

"Misaki! Stop!" I called after him but he ignored me. I jumped out of bed and pulled him backwards wrapping my arms around his waist, his back to my chest. "I said stop!" I held him in place as he tried to remove my arms by force but couldn't. At that moment I was thankful that he wasn't too strong to break out of my hold. I didn't think that he was in this much denial that he would go to his brothers' place to 'check up on him' as he put it.

"Usagi-san… Let-GO…" He struggled but couldn't do anything.

"Misaki! He is not there." I said. I didn't want to be too rough but he didn't give me any other option "Calm down"

"LET ME GO… I HAVE TO GO SEE HIM…" he kept yelling

"Misaki…" I was interrupted as Aikawa flung the door open with an angry look on her face.

She yelled "Sensei! Where did you go yesterday, you do remember that you were to finish tha-at manuscript b-y yesterday… "she trailed off as she saw Misaki hunched over still struggling, although it wasn't much different from when she normally walked in on us. She noticed that this time Misaki had tears running down his face. "Misaki-kun? What happened?" she asked; the concern obvious in her voice.

Misaki didn't even notice her walk into the room as he kept struggling "I HAVE TO GO… LET ME GOOO. PLEASE JUST LET ME GOO…" At that Aikawa interfered not knowing what this was about.

"Sensei… what is going on? What did you do this time?" she looked at me with rage in her eyes, I just ignored her. Misaki managed to kick me and run towards the door passing a really shocked Aikawa. I ran after afraid that he might hurt himself, Aikawa following behind me.

As Misaki got to the stairs he tripped and almost fell to the bottom. "MISAKI" Aikawa yelled. I managed to grab him before he fell. I wrapped my right arm around his chest and held him. He grabbed my arm with both hands. I heard Aikawa sigh in relief.

I pulled him away from the stairs; he collapsed to the ground breathing heavily. "Misaki its ok now…you're ok now" his eyes moved from the stairs as he looked up into my eyes. As soon as he feels to his knees I was there next to him. His tears became heavier as he recovered from the almost fall down the stairs and remembered why he was heading down in the first place.

"Usagi-san… is he really….?" He wasn't able to continue, chocking out the last three words.

I wasn't going to make him say it as I already knew what he was going to ask I answered in a very low gentle voice "yes, Misaki. He is gone…" I saw his brows frown deeper, his chest heaving with every breath he took, as his sobs took over his body. "He is gone. You already know that Misaki. You already know" His sobs grow louder.

Aikawa stood frozen just outside the bedroom door watching in silence as Misaki buried his face in my chest and wrapped his arms around me the same way he did yesterday and cried his eyes out. "W-w-whyhh…? U-usagi-saaahhnn…w-w-whyyy did h-hee l-le-eavve meeeh…" His words barley understandable through his tears, once I understood what he was trying to say, I felt worse.

_Misaki…what can I do to make it better… just tell me and I'll do it…_

"shhhh… Misaki its ok…shhhh…let it out...just let it out…" He had to move on but to do that he had to let it all go first, at least that's what I think. Anything that might help him…anything…

"I-i-tt h-hur-rts… U-usagi-s-san i-it h-hurt-tss… s-so m-much" Misaki hiccupped between his words, he was in so much pain I could hear his pain in his voice.

"I know Misaki… I know…shhhh" I whispered to him. From the corner of my eyes I saw Aikawa head downstairs, I really was thankful that she did that. I didn't think I could hold back my own tears at Misaki's sight or words any longer, it's like she knew that. A tear drop trailed down my cheek and dropped down onto Misaki's hair. I wiped it away as I moved my hands to carry Misaki back to bed. I knew that he was going to cry until he ran out of energy to cry anymore and sink into deep slumber. At least I hope he does.

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**TBC**


	8. IT HURTS

**A****N: sorry guys for the late update I had some trouble logging in using firefox... anyway her is chapter 7... I hope you enjoy it and review... the next chapter will be up in the next few days ;D**

**Btw a good song to go with this chapter is "Happy ending" by Mika**

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**CHAPTER 7**

**IT HURTS**

**Usagi's POV**

I am lying in bed slightly leaning on the head board, Misaki in my arms, his head on my chest, and arms around me. My eyes drifted to the alarm clock that Misaki had left in the room. I forgot to toss it out the day before, like I usually did when I found it in my room. It read 12:30; it's been an hour and a half since Misaki woke up.

His sobs reduced to sniffs and usual moans of pain. He kept repeating his words from earlier. He kept saying how much it hurt and asking why his brother was gone. Feeling his pain but not able to do anything was unbearable. It would be wrong to say I felt the same amount of pain Misaki did; however, I would give anything not to see him in this much pain.

He was drifting in and out of consciousness by this point, not wanting to fall asleep but too tired to resist. "Misaki close your eyes. Its ok I promise I'll be right here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere." I said trying to persuade him, he looked really exhausted. I kept one of my hands on his head, the other rubbing circles on his back.

He shook his head so I asked him "why not Misaki?"

"I-I…" I waited as he hesitated for a second, then continued "I-I'm s-scared-d…" He paused again and I waited but he didn't say anything.

"Misaki, what are you scared of?" I said encouraging him to continue, when he said nothing I started again "Misaki…" but I didn't have to continue as he started.

"b-bec-cause… everyt-time I-I … " he was severely stuttering but I managed to link the words as he kept explaining as much as he could "I-I …s-see i-it-t h-hap-pen… o-ov-ver a… and o-ov-ver-r…" at his last words his eyes were shut tight.

"See what Misaki?" I really wasn't sure what he was talking about. He started to sob again, not as much as earlier, he really was exhausted.

His voice was barley a whisper as he spoke again "t-the t-traf-ffic l-light… k-kid-d…c-car-r…b-b-blo… b-b-blood e-everywhere…a-and h-him…n-nii-c-chann's b-bl…h-he wahss… i-in t-the m-midle o-of-f i-tt… h-he w-was-s…" his voice got frantic, his breath labored, his body wrecked as he heavily sobbed.

"shhh…Misaki..it's gonna be ok… it's gonna be fine… shhhhh" I rocked him slowly as my arms tightened around him. "shhhh…it's ok…it's ok" I kept whispering in his ears as he repeatedly called for his brother.

"w-whyyy-hhh… w-whhyyy d-does-ss i-tt h-hhur-t-t s-so m-mu-hhh-ch…w-whhhhyyy…s-so-hoo m-muhch…"

"shhhh…" there was nothing… nothing I could say… not a single thing came into mind… me, a person that could write one novel after another without second thought… me, speechless… no word could fix this… nothing "Misaki…" I kept rocking him in my arms; my right hand running through his hair.

No words would work… just this one thing… even if this tiniest action had the slightest chance of working, I had to try it. I moved my left arm from around Miskai towards his chin, and so very slowly lifted his head so that his face was right in front of mine. His half lidded eyes were so sad and filled with tears it broke my heart just to see it.

But it also made my resolve stronger and me more desperate, so I moved my face close to his and locked my lips on his quivering ones. Every time he cried only one thing seemed to work in calming him down, so I hoped with all my heart that it would be one of those times.

To my relief he returned my kiss. I was glad as I felt his shaking condense. I felt his tense body relax, his tears return to the steady stream that kept falling even in his sleep. His arms around me tightened.

I pulled my head back to look at his face, as I pulled back I felt him follow reluctant to let go. I still pulled away and looked as his eyes, the sadness still persisted but he looked a bit more relaxed than a few seconds ago. "W-will-l yo-u b-be h-here…" his eyes started to succumb to sleep, slowly fluttering shut.

I was really thankful that he was finally falling asleep. If all it took was a promise then he was going to get it, I wasn't leaving him anyway "I promise. I am not going anywhere." He looked relieved as he placed his head back down in my chest and drifted to the realm of dreams.

I waited until he was completely drowned in his sleep till I gently moved his head to the pillow right next to me, unclenched his tightly secured hands from my shirt and got out of the bed placing Suzuki-san next to Misaki. As soon as I put Suzuki-san next to him he nuzzled his face in his side and wrapped his arms around him.

I didn't want to leave but I knew Aikawa was still waiting for an explanation down stairs I knew Misaki wasn't going to wake up anytime soon._ Just this once, but I won't take long, I promise…_

I left the room and closed the door behind me slowly. I headed downstairs; I saw Aikawa standing up as she noticed me heading towards her. She had papers in her hand; I figured that she took the time to check the work I have finished again while she waited.

"Sensei…" she started but I interrupted her, I had to make sure that she understood that I can't finish anything anytime soon. Misaki needs me be to be there for him now more than ever.

"I'm sorry Aikawa, but I can't, not now, not anytime soon" I said firmly as I sat down on the couch.

Her shoulders fell a bit then she sat down opposite me and said "I figured." She paused for a second looking at her lap like she was considering whether she should say anything or not, then she looked at me again apparently deciding that she was going to ask anyway and asked "…What happened?"

I sighed then said "Takahiro…" remembering that she probably didn't know who Takahiro was I started again "Misaki's older brother, he was hit by a car yesterday…"

"Oh god! Is he ok?" she asked with a worried look on her face.

"He… didn't make it" I sighed the last word, and raised my hand to rub my face.

"Oh no… "her head lowered once more then she said "poor Misaki… I never meet his brother, but from the way he talked about him… the way he looked up to him…he must be devastated"

"yeah, he is" I sighed again.

I saw her wipe her eyes then look up at me again then she said "are you ok?" I really wasn't expecting that question.

"That doesn't matter. All that matters now is taking care of Misaki. With everything that happened he is going to need me" I sighed with sadness as I said "he didn't seem to respond to or even notice anyone else"

She seemed to be thinking for a moment before she started again "Ok then. You still don't know how to cook do you?"

I didn't know what she was getting at by mentioning that so I said "I was about to order something for when Misaki is going to wake up…."

"He needs homemade food to regain his strength. Restaurants food won't do" she interrupted "If you are going to be taking care of him you should at least know how to make soup" she stood up and started walking towards the kitchen. When she was half was there she turned around and said "come on. How am I going to teach you how to make it if you're all the way over there?"

I looked at hear with shock on my face and said "y-yeah right." I wasn't expecting that, I got up and followed her into the kitchen. Once I was there she stared to explain that Misaki would probably refuse to eat and say that his not hungry, and that it was just his grief that was making him say that.

Then she started about how in that case; soup was the best solution for that and that I should make him eat a few spoons of soup at least. "It is also the easiest thing to make so it shouldn't cause you too much trouble." Was what she said.

After she was done I realized that she was right about it being easy to make. "When was the last time you two ate anyway?" her question made me realize that I haven't had a bite since lunch at 1:00 pm yesterday. _Misaki probably didn't eat anything since then either._

"Yesterday lunch" I was used to going days without food but… Misaki_… He must be starving; no wonder he looked so exhausted._

The look on Aikawa's face told me that she was as worried as I was but about both of us not Misaki alone. She grabbed two bowls and poured the soup in it then said "here eat this, after your done take the other one to Misaki."

I shook my head and she frowned. "Misaki first. I won't eat before he does."

She sighed knowing I wouldn't change my mind no matter what she said. She grabbed a tray and put the two bowls in it with spoons and a glass of water and said "wake him up and make him eat and drink the whole glass. I'm sure that he needs to hydrate"

"He finally fell asleep. Why would I wake him?" I frowned.

"How long has he been crying?" My heart clench at her question, but I still answered.

"S-since the accident. Even as he slept, his tears never stopped. "He is still…." I felt my nails dig into my hand as they turned into fists, my jaw clenched as I remembered._ Misaki…_

Her eyes softened as she touched my arm and said "He needs to eat, at least to drink the water."

"What if he refused?" I asked her composing myself as much as I could.

She smirked "Oh sensei. I'm pretty sure that you have many talents, but persuasion is your specialty" then she held the tray in front of me so I would take it.

"Right" I smiled slightly as I took the tray from her "Thank you Aikawa"

"You don't have to thank me." She said walking towards the couch grabbing her coat and purse. Once she reached the door She turned and said "don't worry about work, I'll take care of everything, just make sure to take good care of Misaki-kun. I'll call and visit to check on him. Call if you need anything" smiling warmly she opened the door and left.

_Although she is annoying sometimes, she truly is a good friend…_

After the door closed behind her I started heading upstairs with the tray in my hand, determined to do whatever it takes to make him eat.

I slowly opened the door and headed to the right side of the bed, laying the tray on the bedside table. I slowly sat down next to Misaki who was still hugging Suzuki-san noticing the tears still trailing down his face.

I slowly removed Suzuki-san from Misaki's hold and put him on the floor next to the bed. Misaki whined but didn't wake up. I gently caressed his right cheek wiping away the tears, he still didn't wake up. I moved my hand from his face to his shoulder and shook him slightly.

I really didn't want to wake him up, to face reality. He was better off in his own dream world, and yet I knew that what Aikawa said was true, he needed to eat something. So I tried again a bit harder, this time his eyes fluttered open. He raises his eyes to look at me.

He surprised me when he asked me in his sleepy voice "It wasn't a dream?" his eyes begging to say that it was. All I want to do is say that it was, to stop his pain, but he had to realize that it wasn't. I didn't want what happened earlier to happen again but…

"Misaki, do you remember what happened yesterday?" I asked him in a low voice, moving my hand back to his face as I brushed his bangs from his eyes then wiping the tears again.

"I-I t-think so…" he chocked, turning his head and burring his face into the pillow as he started to cry. I placed my hand on his head, running my fingers through his hair as I usually did.

"Misaki…" I didn't know what to say but I had to make him eat something, so I took a deep breath and let it out as I said "aren't you hungry?" he just shook his head into the pillow. "Misaki, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday…"

He shook his head and said "N-not…h-hun.." his voice muffled in the pillow.

I sighed "Misaki. I can't hear you." I heard him alright; I just wanted him to turn around. I can't force him to eat if his face was buried in the pillow. "Misaki…" it worked for he turned his head and looked at me with his teary eyes.

He didn't say anything just kept his eyes on me. "Misaki…?"

"Your s-still here, j-just l-like you promis-sed" he whispered. He looked a tiny bit happy that I was there.

"Of course Misaki, you know I would never break a promise, not a promise I made to my Misaki…" I smiled at him gently while he kept his eyes on me.

His tears stopped for the first time, but just for a second as he whimpered slightly and said "T-thank you-u…"

"There is no need for that silly" the smile still on my face. I felt tears gather in my eyes, but no… he needs me… I can't just… "Miskai, you have to eat" I tried again. He just shook his head this time.

"n-not h-hungry…"his voice still a whisper. He slightly sat up and leaned against the bed post still looking at me.

I took one of the bowls and a spoon off of the tray from the nightstand and held it in my hand after I sat awkwardly. One leg hanging from the bed whiles the other under me. I scoped a spoon full and said "please Misaki. For me…"

"I-I'm r-really n-not hungry…" he stuttered.

I thought of trying something else, remembering what Takahiro once told me, that Misaki would never make people worry or troubled because of him if he could help it. So I took my chances and said "well I am, and if you don't eat, even if only a few spoons full, then I'm not going to touch my soup" it seemed like it was working as he looked at me in a way that said 'please don't make me'

_He just needs one more push._ "And after Aikawa had gone through the trouble of making this for us I would hate to see it go to waste."

He looked at me confused then asked "Aikawa-s-san?"

"She was her earlier and insisted on making this for you" I said. "So what is it going to be?"

He hesitated for an instant then he nodded "if y-you eat w-with me" I smiled and nodded.

His left hand reached forward it was shaking so badly I decided to feed him myself. When I leaned forward he said "U-Usagi-san I-I can eat m-myself…"

"No. look at your hand you can't hold the spoon shaking like that" he looked at his hands in his lap for a moment then he nodded.

I fed him a couple bites, his eyes fixed of his lap. I scooped a spoon full of soup and was about to feed it to him but his mouth stayed shut. "Misaki…?" I asked confusion evident in my voice.

He stayed still for a moment then opened his mouth and whispered "…my fault…it was all…m-my fault…"

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**TBC**


	9. LOST & FOUND

**AN: Thanx guys for the awesome reviews, they're really encoring my writing... so far this my fav chap I hope you like it too... the person _pretending_ to be my editor did enjoy it or so she says ;P she did get addicted to the anime after she started reading the fic and she is now so addicted to it that she watched it four times ;D I'm like "OH MY GOD I have created a monster"... now all she wants to do when we meet is re-watch it... not that I mind but she is driving me crazy... **

**anyway enjoy the chap... the next one will follow soon...please tell me what you thought about this one...**

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**CHAPTER 8**

**LOST & FOUND**

**Usagi's POV**

He stayed still for a moment then opened his mouth and whispered "…my fault…it was all…m-my fault…" My eyes widened in shock. I couldn't believe that he blamed himself; there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.

"Misaki! Listen to me there is no way what happened was your fault. Do you understand me!" I said sternly, "now eat." I picked up the spoon from the bowl again; I had dropped it there when Misaki started talking.

He didn't even seem to notice the spoon as he stared talking again "I was scared… I…I insisted that w-we take the trai-in… b-bec-cause I was s-scared… the rain was s-so h-heave… I was s-scared…" although his-voice was a steady whisper, his tears were heave. I knew he didn't like taking the car on rainy days, but he never insisted on not taking it; at least unless it was the same day his parents had their accident.

He was always extra cautious on that day. Last year after he returned from visiting his parents' grave, he took my car keys and hid them when I was defying his orders for me to stay so I could go get some of his favorite ice-cream from his favorite place on the other side of town. "…I was s-scared-d s-so I insisted…h-he kn-new… h-he always kn-new so he a-agreed…" he continued.

I didn't want to interrupt him because I knew if he stopped now he would never tell me how he felt about all of this, and he needed me to listen, so I did. "…I w-wanted t-to get m-mom's…" he choked on his words for a second then inhaled sharply and continued "…mom always l-loved h-her f-flowers… but her favorite were pink roses…"his eyes shone from tears, I could see longing in his eyes as he mentioned her. He really missed her.

"…I…I w-wanted to g-get her some… s-so we s-stopped at a flower shop on our w-way to t-the…" he trailed off, then said "…he l-looked l-like h-he just w-wanted t-to get out of there… b-but I w-wanted to p-pick t-the right ones…" his voice steady again. By then I had already placed the bowl on the nightstand and was now holding his left hand, squeezing gently. His eyes still fixed on his lap.

"…t-ten m-minuets… it-t took m-me t-ten l-long minutes to pick t-them…" he squeezed on my hand a bit "we were waiting…h-he was j-joking around t-trying t-to m-make me l-laugh…" he pressed his eyes shut as he said half sobbing it"…he always made me laugh…"

I wanted to hear what he had to say but the pain in his face… I couldn't take it so I said in a gentle voice "Misaki that's enough…"

He shook his head and said "…we w-waited… it was s-still g-green…s-so w-we wai… a-and t-then…I…I s-saw the c-car s-so I pulled h-him away… but the k-kid… that-t k-kid…" at that point he had started shaking, his eyes wide as if it was happening in front of him right now.

"Misaki…" I called his name I wanted him to understand, it was already over. There was nothing to do about it anymore. It was over.

He kept going, not giving me the chance to stop him "…the k-kid just stood there… he told him t-to move…b-but he j-just stood there… I –I d-don't know why… I –I d-don't know w-what happened… " his breathing was getting heavier "…all I saw next was … w-was n-n-nii-chahnnn…" his sobbing got louder as he tried to continue but couldn't. He could barley breath from all his crying.

"Misaki! Enough! That is enough…"he was suffering, I couldn't take it anymore. I put my arms around him and pulled him closer. He was crying so hard. It was like when the doctor told us that Takahiro was gone. It was heartbreaking.

"I-I p-pulled… h-him awaaay… but…b-but h-he w-went ba-hh-ak…h-he jump-ped b-between th-the k-kid a-and the c-ca-hhh-r…" he held on to me he stared to become hysterical. He wasn't even listening to me when I called his name anymore. I had to do something. But what? What could I do?

"Nii-chaa-hhh-n…I'm so-hh-rry…" he kept on saying he was sorry… his words faded away as it was replaced by heavy breathing and hiccups. His body shook so hard. I never moved. Just sat there my arms wrapped tightly around him.

After what seemed like a lifetime his crying lessened, it was there his breathing still not steady, but his sobs reduced a bit. When he was able to talk again he said "I k-killed h-him…I- I killed t-them all…m-my p-parents a-and n-now m-my nii-c-chan… I-I took h-him a-away from y-you a-and M-Minami-nee-chan…n-nii-chan…h-he was-s a-all I h-had l-left…I –I'm all a-alone n-now…" he whispered between hiccups. I felt my heart clench.

_It is what I feel… it is what he needs to hear…I hope it helps_

"Misaki… it's not your fault. None of this is your fault" I whispered in his ear but he didn't seem to believe me. I loosened my hug and raised my hand to his cheeks. I slowly raised his head until I was staring directly into his eyes. He had to look at me to understand that it is not just something I said to make him feel better. It is how I truly felt.

"You have me. I will never go anywhere. And as far as I'm concerned…you _are_ my only family" I said with all sincerity and yet gently so he would believe me.

I saw his eyebrows frown and his eyelids dropping half way. He started to sob heavily again, I was worried… this wasn't the reaction that I was hoping for… what is he thinking right now...?

His hands on the front of my shirt tightened. I have expected him to push me away at that point, but what really shocked me was what he said next "U-usagi-san… I –I lo-ve y-you…" his eyes still locked with mine. My heart swelled with joy at what he said. He wouldn't normally say that. And saying it now meant he felt the same way.

_We are family…_

With a smile on my face, I lowered my head until my face was inches away from his and said "I love you too… Misaki" I whispered my lips touching his as I said his name. He closed his eyes and returned my kiss. Just like earlier, his sobs reduced I was so happy that it was still the thing that calmed him down. I felt his hand move to the back of my head, his fingers tangled in my hair. My arms wrapped around him at that moment, pulling him closer…I was never planning to let go of him… _never_…

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**Misaki's POV**

I took a few bites for Usagi-san but then in a second, I'm not sure why, but everything from the accident came rushing into my head… it hurt so much… my chest felt so tight…Usagi-san was his friend…he loved him…he had to know what happened… he had to…

The words just started coming out of my mouth… with every word that I said I felt my chest tighten even more… I couldn't breathe anymore… it hurt so, so much…

Usagi-san tried to make me stop… I couldn't just stop. He had to know… he had to know that it was my fault, I was the reason that his best friend is dead… that Minami-nee-chan has to live without the love of her life… that …that I w-was all alone now without any family because… I k-killed them all…

It was the hardest thing I had ever done… all I hoped for was that Usagi-san wouldn't hate me and kick me out once he knew the truth… that it was all my fault…

When I felt Usagi-san's arms raise from my back and the warmth of his embrace leave me as he pulled away I panicked. _ Please god… please don't leave me Usagi-san… please…_

A second later I felt his hands on either side of my cheeks. When he stated to pull my head upwards to face him, I was so scared of what his expression might be like… when my eyes finally meet his, he looked so very sad and yet a gentle look filled his eyes… that was not what I was expecting.

The thing that I was hoping for… I was praying for happened when I heard Usagi-san say "You have me. I will never go anywhere. And as far as I'm concerned…you _are_ my only family"

I felt the pain in my chest reduce… I was so happy that he was still there. Not only that but what he said… I love him so much…I truly love him… I can't even think of being without him. Tears started to pour down even more and I started to cry louder. I was so happy and yet so sad… I lost nii-chan but I have always had Usagi-san… he's always been here for me…

For some reason I couldn't tear my eyes from his… even though my vision was blurred from the tears in my eyes… I just couldn't … all I could do right now was say "U-usagi-san… I –I lo-ve y-you…"

The next thing I knew Usagi-san face was right in front of mine. He whispered "I love you too… Misaki" his lips brushing against mine as he called my name. His lips then locked with mine. For some reason, I'm not really sure why, but whenever I was feeling down he was the only one who would make it better.

He was always able to make me forget; even if it was only for a little, I was really grateful. I let go of his shirt and wrapped my arms around his neck, my hands in his hair. His hands left my face and were now wrapped around my waist puling me close. I felt safe in his arms, I never want to leave his warm, strong embrace… _never…Usagi-san I love you… so very much…_

* * *

**TBC**


	10. INSULT & RETREAT

**AN: Thanx guys for the reviews and for following my story. At some point i thought that it wasn't good and i was going to just remove it so thanx...**

**sorry for the late upload i had some trouble accessing my account. **

**anyway enjoy and please review... your reviews really help with the progress.**

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**CHAPTER 9**

**INSULT & RETREAT**

**Usagi's POV**

The alarm clock on the night stand read 3:00 pm. Misaki is still in my arms, he dozed off about an hour ago, and although he had calmed down a bit he was exhausted from all the crying. I lay beside him till he finally fell asleep. I thought I'd catch up on some sleep myself but a lot of things were on my mind.

I was thinking of ways to make Misaki feel better. It's only been a day since everything came crumbling down and he lost his brother and me my best friend. I was really worried of what was coming. The funeral, the burial, having to face all the people that were going to be there would be very devastating not to mention exhausting for him.

_I hope that Minami will be able to finish the arrangements… it must really be difficult, preparing to bury the one you love… maybe I should call and check on her… or maybe later…_

My head hurt; it must be because of the lack of sleep. After about another 30 minutes of just laying there with Misaki in my arms, I heard the phone ring. Not wanting Misaki to be woken up by it I hurriedly got out of bed, making sure I didn't wake Misaki up in the process, and put Suzuki-san next to him.

Heading down stairs, I remembered Minami saying that she would be calling to check up on Misaki today. When I picked up the phone it was her on the other end "Usami-san?" she sounded as if she had been crying, who could blame her.

"Hello Minami-san, how have you been?" I asked her truly concerned. She was Takahiro's love after all; I had to make sure that she was fine.

"No need to worry about me Usami-san. How is Misaki-chan doing?" she asked averting the question.

I didn't want to push her so I just answered her "as well as you'd expect anyone would be under these circumstances" I sighed. "He's pretty broken up about it"

"Dear Misaki-chan. I should be there for him, although I don't think that anyone could comfort him as much as you can. I've seen how he only responded to you yesterday." She stated. "I should be done soon with all of the arrangements. I promise I'll be there as soon as possible. I am sorry for all the trouble Usami-san. I'm sure that you yourself are having a hard time with all of this."

"Don't worry about me Minami-san you just make sure to take care of yourself. Misaki is going to be fine with me I assure you, you don't have to push yourself. If you need anything just inform me, and I promise I will do everything I could to help."

"Thank you very much for all your help and for taking care of Misaki-chan for me. I'm sure that… Takahiro would have appreciated all your help." She said sincerely, and starting to cry again at the mention of her deceased husband.

"You don't have to thank me. He was my dear friend and I would have done even more for him if I could, please keep me informed about the ceremony arrangements. I will pay all of the expenses" I informed her.

"No Usami-san I can't accept that, nor can I ask you to do such thing. I could handle that on my…."

I cut her off saying "I insist, please let me do this. It is the least I could do for him." I really wanted to do this small thing for him.

She hesitated at first then said"…thank you Usami-san, it is very generous of you." I was really glad that she accepted, not that I would've taken a no for an answer anyway. "I have to go now I still have to finish a few things; I will call you soon to check up on Misaki-chan again."

"Sure. Just don't forget to send me the bills." I hung up after that. I was heading upstairs when I heard the door bell ring. I turned around to go open it.

_Who is it now…_ I sighed as I went to open the front door only to find the second person that I didn't want to see. "What are you doing here? And how did you get the security code at the main gate of the building?" I asked, anger and annoyance clear in my voice.

He pushed passed me and entered the living room "well the last time Takahashi-kun let me in I memorized the code. It wasn't that difficult you know." He said simply, heading to the couch.

"Oi. Who invited you to come in anyway? Now is not the time. Leave!" I said firmly, hoping that Misaki doesn't wake up. He was in no condition to be facing this person.

"Come on Akihiko is this any way to be talking to your father, and how many times have I told you it's not polite to glare at people." He was so calm when he talked it only pissed me off more. He sat on the couch and crossed his legs. "Come and sit, we need to talk." This was bad, this was very bad. Him wanting to talk always ended up terribly.

"Just leave, I've told you before not to come here. There is nothing that we need to talk about do you understand." I was now standing next to the couch opposite him, directly facing him.

"Come now, surly you don't mean that." His gaze suddenly drifted from me and he was now starring somewhere behind me. "Takahashi-kun, its good of you to join us!" he exclaimed happily like he usually did. I felt my face go pale; I really didn't want Misaki to wake up when this person was here.

"Misaki…" I turned around to see Misaki at the top of the stairs, one hand on the rail the other next to his eyes as if he was rubbing the sleep from them when he heard my father's voice. His face radiated shock. "Misaki, go back to bed I'll be there in a bit."

"Oh no, Takahashi-kun please come and join us there is something that I want to talk to both of you about. I'm glad that you are home." He said smiling.

I turned to face him with a glare and said "That's enough. Misaki go back to the room, I'll deal with this."

* * *

**Misaki's POV**

I heard a ringing in my head. I wasn't sure where it was coming from, I thought it was just a dream so I didn't bother opening my eyes until I heard the door bell ring.

I slowly opened my eyes once I heard it, my head felt heavy and it was throbbing. Usagi-san wasn't in bed next to me; instead it was Suzuki-san. Reluctantly I got up my head was aching so bad, I walked towards the door. I heard Usagi-san's voice and someone else, I couldn't quit tell who it was so I decided to go downstairs to check it out.

_Who could it be?..._

I wasn't really interested in whoever was down there. All I wanted was to be with Usagi-san. So I opened the bedroom door and made my way downstairs. I was still feeling sleepy so I tried rubbing it out of my eyes as I walked down the stairs.

"Takhaashi-kun, it's good of you to join us!" I stopped mid step on the stairs. I was so shocked I didn't believe that I just heard Usagi-chichi's voice, so I moved my hand from my face to see and make sure that I heard that voice right. It was him; he was sitting there in the living room one leg over the other with his hands on his knees, looking straight at me.

_Usagi-chichi?... why…? Why is he here…?_

It was never a good sign seeing him. He always had something to say that would leave me with a heavy burden. He always knew how to bring me down. He hated us being together, he always found a way to make his feelings known, said that it was a bad thing being together with Usagi-san.

"Misaki…" Usagi-san called after he had turned to face me. I was still in shock of seeing Usagi-Chichi but slowly I turned my eyes to him as he said "Misaki, go back to bed I'll be there in a bit."

"Oh no, Takahashi-kun please come and join us there is something that I want to talk to both of you about. I'm glad that you are home." He said with a smile like he usually did.

All of a sudden I felt the weight of the world pressing down on my chest. It was painful remembering all of the things he said to me in the past. But it was even worse now. Now there was no way that I would accept what he said. No way. Usagi-san was all I had left. There was no way I was going to let go of him that easily.

"That's enough. Misaki go back to the room, I'll deal with this." At that Usagi-san had turned to face him.

I had to talk to him. I had to make him understand that Usagi-san was all I have left. He was the closest thing I had to a family. I won't be able to live if he left me. He had to understand that. I was determined to make him understand, so I walked down the stairs to where Usagi-san was standing.

"I'm glad you decided to join us please sit, both of you" Usagi-chichi said smugly. I was about to say something when Usagi-san turned and looked me over.

"Misaki. Please. You don't have to hear what he has to say." Usagi-san said to me with kind eyes. I shook my head. I had to make Usagi-chichi understand.

"Takahashi-kun, are you feeling well? You don't look so good." Usagi-chichi asked seeming concerned.

"I-I'm fine. Would y-you like some c-coffee?" I asked my voice was still low and a bit shaky from crying earlier. I wasn't sure that he heard me but then he answered.

"That would be nice. But are you sure your alright? You don't really sound fine." He asked again. This time I only nodded and was heading to the kitchen until I felt Usagi-san's hand around my arm.

I turned to look at him he just said "Misaki, let me get the coffee." I was surprised to hear him say that, I even saw Usagi-chichi look at him with wide eyes; normally he would never volunteer to do anything. My head was still hurting so I nodded again then he pulled me to the couch and made me sit while he headed to the kitchen.

He came back almost immediately with two coffee mugs and a glass of water. I assumed that the coffee was already prepared he just heated it. He sat down next to me and handed me the glass of water then put one mug in front of Usagi-chichi and started sipping on the remaining one.

It was silent for a moment then Usagi-san said "you wanted to talk so speak." He was still glaring at his father. I put the glass on the coffee table I wasn't thirsty, and waited for Usagi-chichi to say something hopping that it won't be one of his usual speeches.

"Well you see Akihiko, I think that you two have had your fill of fooling around. It's time for you two to realize that what your doing _is _going to bring trouble for the both of you" he started "I believe that you have had enough fun don't you think Akihiko. It is time you grow up and started looking for a wife." He then pulled a pile of files from his bag and dropped them on the table in front of Usagi-san.

My chest hurt even worse at his words. I wasn't so surprised, he had said this stuff before but still that didn't make hearing it any easier. "You see Takahashi-kun, I believe that it is time for you to become an independent adult and start looking for a place to stay." He said in a calm yet serious manner.

"That's enough. If that is all you have to say then leave." Usagi-san was still glaring at him and yet Usagi-chichi was still facing me. I didn't like where this was going. Sure he implied it before but never directly to me. I really didn't want to hear this but…

"Come now Takahashi-kun. I'm sure that you would benefit from the experience." I wanted to look anywhere else but my eyes were for some reason locked with his.

Those harsh words hurt so deeply and yet I wasn't able to avert my eyes. "If you still can't afford living on your own I'm sure that your brother would be more than willing to put you up again." I gasped. My heart clenched when he mentioned nii-chan.

"He would've…" I whispered. I felt tears start to fill my eyes.

"STOP IT." Usagi-san yelled, we both knew that his words would only get harsher.

"He was the one who raised you after all wasn't he. If he was tired of taking care of you and didn't what to bother with you anymore and …"

"I SAID STOP IT." Usagi-san was really pissed at that point.

Not seeming to bother with his sons words he kept going "…if he can't lend you the money. I will be more than willing to take care of the expenses." I was now deaf to his words. All that I was going around in my brain were memories of my brother. I felt the tears make their way down my cheeks.

I needed Usagi-san. I can't leave… I can't. I leaned sideways onto Usagi-san's left arm. At that he turned his face to me. I raised my left hand and clenched his shirt sleeve and just held it. "Misaki…" I heard Usagi-san's voice soften when called my name. But all I could think about was… _nii-chan_…

* * *

**Usagi's POV**

I felt Misaki lean on me. I turned my face to him my glare softening up as I saw his tear-stained face "Misaki…" I was going to kill this guy for making Misaki cry. I looked back at the person opposite me shock was clear on his face, it didn't seem that he was excepting this reaction.

"Satisfied now!? Leave already, I've had enough of you. Misaki is not going anywhere he is staying right here. Like it or not that is your problem. NOW GET OUT." I didn't want to see his face anymore.

Misaki's crying started to get louder I removed his grip off of my shirt and wrapped my arms around him. He continued sobbing into my chest "Misaki. It's ok now. Everything is going to be ok. shhh" I tried to calm him down, but it didn't work.

"Akihiko, what is going on? I knew that he would be upset but not that much." he said pretending to be concerned. He got up and started walking towards us.

"Why are you still here. Leave already." I was glaring at him again. I really wanted him gone. He just came towards us and raised a hand as if to stroke Misaki's hair. I smacked his hand away; I didn't want him touching Misaki. "Don't touch him"

I was really angry at that point. Why did he have to mention Takahiro? "Akihiko. Tell me what happened. There is no way he would react like that to just what I said."

"It's none of your business so just get out." I was still glaring daggers at him.

He sighed and retreated back to the couch that he sat on earlier and grabbed his coat and turned to head to the door. Just then I felt Misaki slightly pushing against me trying to get out of my embrace. I lessened my arms around him just enough for him to raise his head but didn't completely let go.

"Wait…" He yelled after that persons retreating back. "P-please… w-wait…" He stuttered, tears still falling from his eyes.

"Misaki?" I was worried, what would he want from that guy?

"p-please…l-listen" his voice was barley audible.

That person turned around and asked "I didn't quit catch that Takahashi-kun" he said softly.

"p-please…"He tried to raise his voice a bit but to no avail. He looked at me begging me to help him seeing as I was close enough to hear him. "T-tell h-him…" he said "c-come h-here…p-please" he begged me, I couldn't say no to him.

"He wants you to come closer so you could hear him."I said not really wanting to talk to that guy but for Misaki, anything. He walked towards us again his eyes staring at Misaki.

"P-please… d-don't take… him… away…" Misaki said between hiccups. His tears persisting as he continued "I-I c-can't live…p-please… h-he's a-all I got left… p-please…" He sobs got even louder as he pleaded with that guy. I was shocked to hear those words come out of Misaki's mouth. He was usually too embarrassed to say those things to me, but now he was saying them to this guy.

"Misaki?" I wasn't sure why he was begging _him_ for that. There was no way that I was going anywhere no matter what, I was staying by his side.

"P-ple-hh-ase… " Misaki said in a broken voice, his eyes pleading the old man. I turned to look at my father's face to see the same shocked look that I had a second ago.

When he noticed that I have turned to face him he asked "Akihiko? What in the world happened?" I just ignored him and turned back to Misaki.

"Hey Misaki. That's enough. I'm not going anywhere. No one is taking me away. I'm staying right here with you. Do you understand?"I said with all seriousness. I had his face in my palms; I was looking into his eyes. After I said that he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my chest and sobbed his heart out.

From the corner of my eyes I saw that person walk to the door I bet he was still confused about what happened. I was glad that he didn't push any further with his questions I didn't want to tell him what happened in front of Misaki making him remember the details of yesterday.

I heard the door close and guessed that he had left. I pulled Misaki even closer and whispered to him that it was going to be alright now. That he didn't have to worry about me going anywhere, and that I was planning to stick around even when he decided that he didn't need me anymore.

We stayed on that couch for a while. I laid there with Misaki for hours, throughout that time he never stopped crying. I really hated that guy very much for this. I had finally gotten Misaki to calm down for a bit and then he shows up and ruins everything.

After a few hours had past Misaki was starting to calm down a bit. I asked him if he would like anything to eat, reminding him that he didn't finish his meal from earlier. He just tightened his arms around me and shook his head.

I knew he needed to eat, but for now I guess it is fine to just lay here hugging him. "I love you Misaki. I promise I'm not leaving you. Never" I whispered to him, making sure that he knew that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

* * *

**TBC**

**AN: I would like to thank those of you who pointed out the ****mistake i had made with the whole "Takashi/ Takahashi" thing and i would like to inform you that i have edited that part... oh and yeah i just wanted to mention that i have read the manga like 4 times and watched the anime around 15 times so any mistakes that you find with names and stuff its just when i get into writing a chapter i sorta don't bother with the whole thing until its done... sorry for not researching the right way to spell the names but i am a lazy person...**


	11. NEVER AGAIN

**CHAPTER 10**

**NEVER AGAIN**

**Usagi's POV**

Hours past while we lay there on the couch, I lost track of time though I noticed that the sun had started to set. I guessed that Misaki had fallen asleep; I couldn't see his face because it was still buried in my chest as I held him close. The only sounds I could hear coming from him were muffled sniffs, I could still feel his tears soaking up my shirt.

Watching him fall to pieces, my tears started to fall at the thought of him never getting over this. He was in so much pain and there was nothing that I could do to help him recover. Seeing him like that was heart breaking.

_What am I supposed to do?... What am I supposed to say?_

Takahiro would have known what to say to make him feel better, he really knew his little brother well. _Takahiro… I wish that you were still here; Misaki still needs you in his life. The kid doesn't know what to do without you…_

I decided that it was best to take Misaki back to bed. I slowly sat up, Misaki still in my arms. I scooped him up as I stood and carried him upstairs to bed. I put him in bed and covered him with the sheets. As I took a better look at him I noticed his swollen red eyes. I brushed his bangs from his face and wiped his tears then sat on the bed next to him.

_Misaki… I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel better…_

"I love you…" I don't know for how long I just sat there and stared at him. I moved my eyes to check the time it was 7:38. I was drained, I knew I needed sleep but for some reason my attempts to do so fail. I just lay down next to him and wrapped my arms around him. It took me what seemed like forever to fall asleep.

* * *

**Misaki's POV**

I slowly opened m eyes to find myself in Usagi-san's bedroom again. I was glad that he was next to me when I woke up; the little comfort that I got from the simplest touch of his arm around my waist was helping. I really didn't want to get up, my chest still felt tight and my headache wasn't helping either but I had to get up.

_I can't stay in bed forever…_

Remembering that Usagi-san didn't eat anything when I was awake and betting that he didn't when I was asleep, I decided to make breakfast after I took a shower. I turned my head to see Usagi-san's face, he looked so tired. I didn't want to wake him he needed to rest so I slowly slipped out of his embrace.

I was almost out of bed, feet touching the ground when I felt the bed shift under me then I heard his sleepy exhausted voice call my name. I had my back to him so I wiped the tears out of my eyes and turned to face him when he asked "Where are you going?"

I replied in a quick whisper "s-shower… then breakfast" at that I turned and started getting up. He grabbed my shirt from behind forcing me to sit back.

"You don't have to…"

"I can't stay in bed forever…" I interrupted. I felt his grip loosen so I started getting up again. Once I was standing I felt my headache become worse. I almost fell but I quickly managed to keep my balance.

Noticing me sway Usagi-san sat up in bed and said with a worried voice "Misaki are you alright?"

"…fine… just a bit dizzy…"I gave him a reassuring look then started heading towards the door. From the corner of my eyes I could see his starting to get up. He needed to rest "Usagi-san, don't worry about me. Try to get some rest" trying to be as composed as I could.

"I'll just come with you. You might need help…" he said concern obvious on his face.

"Usagi-san… please, I-I need some time…a-alone" I hesitated a bit but I knew that he needed to rest.

_Maybe some alone time might help… maybe…_

"You sure?" he asked. I just nodded then turned around and opened the door knob, before I closed it behind me he said "If you need me just call. Ok?"

"Thanks" was all I could say. Tears started to run down my face again once I closed the door behind me. I leaned on the wall to keep my balance as I made my way to my bedroom to get my towel and some fresh clothes. My head was pounding like a drum, the pain was excruciating.

Afterwards I headed to the bathroom. I put the towel and clothes on the stand next to the tub and started the shower. I was so out of it that I didn't even bother checking the temperature of the water as I just got in and let the water fall over my head.

Memories from the day of the accident flooded my head. I really wanted them to stop; I didn't want to remember anymore. I didn't want to see it happen over and over again in my head. It was so… unbearable.

Feeling a heave burden on my chest, I fell to my knees. My heart clenched as I thought of nii-chan. How caring he is…was…the thought was too much. I wrapped my arms around myself tight trying to forget. All I wanted was to forget.

_Just for a little while… Please… I want to forget…_

* * *

**Usagi's POV**

It's been a while since Misaki had gone to take his shower. Normally he wouldn't take that long. He looked really sick earlier. _Maybe he passed out. _Paranoid with the thought of him unconscious I decided to get up and check on him. I got out of bed, threw on a shirt and was almost at the door when my cell phone rang.

With a sigh I headed to the night stand, picked up the phone and answered it. "Hello?"

"Good morning sensei." It was Aikawa. _What now? _"How are you, sensei?"

"Good morning." I replied. Waiting for her to get over with it, I needed to check up on Misaki.

"How is Misaki-kun doing today?" she asked gently.

"I was going to check up on him now." Trying to give her a hint, I was in a hurry.

"Oh. Anyway I was calling to tell you that I'm coming over today. I won't be long, just dropping of some papers at the company. Tell Misaki-kun that I'm bringing him his favorite snack"

"You don't have to do that." I didn't really want her here.

"I'm sure Misaki-kun would be happy to see me" She persisted.

It might do him some good. He does think of her as a friend "Fine. Just make sure to not stay long."

"See you soon" she said before she hung up.

I put the phone back on the nightstand as I headed to the bathroom. When I got closer to the bathroom door I got really worried. I could hear Misaki crying loudly, not waiting any longer I slammed the door open as I rushed in.

For a second I stood there stunned. Misaki was on his knees arms wrapped tightly around himself, his head touching the tub floor, the shower still running over his head. His sobs louder than the water pouring from the shower head.

"Misaki…" I yelled as I rushed towards him, I knew I shouldn't have left him alone. I sat next to the tub not caring if I got socked I put an arm around him. Once the water touched my arm I realized that the water was freezing. I turned the water off then put my arm around him again as I tried to get him out of the tub "come on let's get you dried up…god your freezing"

He barely stood up before he started falling again. I grabbed him tight and carried him out of the tub and sat him on the edge of it. I snatched the towel from the stand and wrapped it around his shivering shoulders.

"Misaki… talk to me. Please." I begged. He grabbed onto the towel and tightened it around himself. "Misaki…" seeing him in this state was so heart breaking.

"I-I… " he choked on his sobs.

I put my hands on either side if his face and wiped the tears with my thumbs "It's ok. Misaki… shshhh… it's ok… calm down… shhhh…" I stroked his hair, running my fingers through it to comfort him.

"H-h-he… I-is g-gone… h-he is-s gone…" his voice was broken; he could hardly breathe with all the sobs.

"shhh… Misaki…it's gonna be just fine… shhhh" _Misaki…_

"…n-never again…n-n-never… again…" he couldn't talk anymore as his sobs got louder. I just pulled him close as he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. "I-I… c-can-n-t… b-bre-eat-th…i-I…c-can't-t…"

"shshshh…" I put a hand on his head as I held him close. His body trembling so hard, as his sobs persisted. "Misaki… please, try to calm down…shhh" I said in a gentle tone.

_What do I do? How could I help him?_

After a while Misaki's sobs reduced a bit. He was still shivering though. I pulled away a little and took his face in my palms again as I said "come on, let's get you dressed. Ok?" he said nothing; he just kept his eyes on me as I got up and retrieved his clothes from the stand.

I kneeled in front of him again and was about to get him dressed when I heard him say between his sobs "…n-nii-chan…I-I won't e-ever… see h-him ag-gain, will I…?" I looked into his eyes.

"Misaki…" I was about to say something when he interrupted as he knew the answer, he didn't want to hear it again. I realized that the question was not directed at me, he was just talking to himself out loud.

"N-nii-chan's…n-nii-chan's s-sweet s-smile… I-I'll never see it again… " Chocking out his last words as he whispered them, "…t-the w-way h-he made m-me laugh… t-the way h-he took care of me…His o-over p-protective nature…h-his twice a w-week phone calls…n-never a-again. N-never…h-he will n-never see m-me graduate from his d-dream university…"his tears started to pour again.

"Misaki…he will always be with you. Even if you can't see him he will always be with you. His memory in your head, and his love in your heart…" I pointed at his head and heart as I spoke, "you know it to be true. You can see him can't you? In your memories?"

"U-Usagi-san…" his hands grabbed my hand that was still on his chest, and his head dropped onto my left shoulder as he sobbed. "T-thank y-you…" he mumbled.

We stayed like that for a short while then I pushed him back slightly as I asked "your cold right?" he nodded as yes, so I said "then let's get you dressed" with another nod I grabbed the shirt that was on my lap and started dressing him. I was thankful that the shirt was his green turtle neck; it would help warm him up a bit. After I finished dressing him and drying his hair as much as possible I led him out of the bathroom.

I was going to take him back to bed but when I was about to open the bedroom door he said "no… I-I'll m-make breakfast…"

"Misaki you don't have to, I'll just order something for you" I insisted.

"…no…I c-can't stay in bed fore-ever…" his tear stained face turned towards me, his pleading eyes looking directly at me. "I know that you didn't eat anything in two days…" I startled at what he said.

Trying to convince him to go back to bed I said "I did eat when you were asleep…"

"I know you're lying…" he interrupted wiping the tears from his face. He then turned towards the stairs and with shaky steps he started heading down them. I followed close behind him in case he lost his balance I was prepared to catch him. "w-what do you want f-for breakfast…" he asked, his voice still slightly above a whisper.

"Misaki, you really don't have to do this…"

"Usagi-san… please…" we were at the bottom of the steps now. He turned around and looked right into my eyes as he said "…I-I need t-to do something… a-anything…" I couldn't say no to him. If this is what he needed than there was no way that I was going to get in his way.

"Omelets" I said with a slight smile.

"Thank you…" he said as he headed into the kitchen. I sat on the couch facing the kitchen pretended to read the newspaper as I kept an eye on him as he worked.

After Misaki was finished with preparing what he needed he started cooking. Deciding that he was alright I started to actually read the newspaper when suddenly I smelled something burning, when I looked up there was black smoke coming from the pan that Misaki was using. I got up and walked into the kitchen.

Misaki didn't seem to notice me; he didn't even seem to notice the food burning. "Misaki, are you alright?" I asked him with concern; he seemed fine but in some sort of daze. When I placed a hand on his left shoulder he turned towards me.

"hu? U-usagi-san? what are you…?"

"The food is burning" I pointed at the pan. He turned to look at it then he started yelling and fussing over it.

"I-I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry. Let m-me make another one. I-I'm really sorry." He kept on saying as he fused all over the kitchen dumping the burned eggs and washing the pan, grabbing new eggs from the fridge.

Seeing him like that made me chuckle slightly. I was really concerned that he was so out of it earlier but looking at him like this was like a Dajavu. But still it only happened once; Misaki never burned any of his cooking.

I looked at him as he started making the Omelet again. "Are you ok?" I asked again.

He tuned to face me as he said "don't w-worry, I-I'm fine…"his words weren't convincing at all so I just stood there, leaning on the counter as he was focusing on his cooking. I was looking directly at him when I smelled the burning smell again.

I looked down to see that the food started to burn again. He was really out of it. He should just lie down and let me order out. He was in no condition to be standing let alone cooking.

With a sigh I said "Misaki, you don't have to do this…" just like earlier he didn't seem to hear me until I touched his shoulder. He noticed the smoke and looked at me saying he was sorry and that he would try again.

"Misaki, it's ok. Just let me order out."

"No. No. I could do this just give me a chance to do this." He insisted. At that the door bell rang. "I'll get it" he announced and headed to the door.

I heard Aikawa's voice greeting Misaki. With everything that happened this morning I totally forgot about her call and her coming over. With a sigh I headed towards the door. I saw Aikawa hugging Misaki and him hugging her back awkwardly.

She was saying how sorry she was for his loss and comforting him as he started crying at the mention of his brother. I walked towards them and was right behind Misaki when I put a hand on his back "Misaki…"

"I'm f-fine. I-I'm fine…s-sorry…"he cut me off and got out of Aikawa's hug and pulling the arm of his shirt to cover his hand as he wiped away his tears. I just ruffled his hair as Aikawa handed him his favorite treat and he thanked her.

Heading back to the kitchen Aikawa asked "what's that smell?"

Misaki fidgeted a bit his eyes looking anywhere but at her as he said "I was making a-an omelet… b-but I sorta burned it…"

"Twice" I added as I chuckled, remembering Misaki fussing all over the kitchen.

"s-sorry…" he said with a small voice.

Aikawa looked at me and I gave her a look that said no need to talk about it anymore, so she just said "No worries. Now that I'm here how about I help with breakfast? Ha Misaki?" cracking her knuckles.

Misaki just nodded and headed after her into the kitchen. I went back to the couch, this time not bothering with the newspaper, I just wanted to make sure that he was alright.

Aikawa was joking around trying to lighten the atmosphere. Her laughter could be heard throughout the apartment. But Misaki didn't even smile not even slightly to what she was joking about. Normally he would at least pretend to be smiling to not be rude, but now he couldn't even do that.

_How long would it be till I could see that smile again…? Misaki…_

* * *

**TBC**

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this chap the next one will follow soon. I really appreciate all the reviews you guys have been writing. I've written a lot before but most of what i had written were plays so all of the reviews and follows I've received are really encouraging me to write. **_  
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**Thanx for keeping up with the fic...****please let me know what you about this one.**


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